


i'm a ruin

by lonelylibrarian



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Character, F/F, Femslash February, Kissing, mockingjay era, usual hunger games ptsd stuff, vaguely described panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelylibrarian/pseuds/lonelylibrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't be shy, Twelve." Johanna says as she takes Katniss hand and places it on her bare waist. Katniss has noticed her jokes have been in a flux lately, she doesn't constantly have a sharp comeback anymore. <br/>They lay there in silence for a beat,  and Katniss realizes she can't stop staring at Johanna's lips, just barely lit by the emergency light in their room. Katniss feels a comfort with Johanna that she doesn't get from Peeta or Gale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm a ruin

**Author's Note:**

> title from i'm a ruin by marina and the diamonds

It's quiet in their room. Katniss sits on her bed rolling Peeta's pearl between her fingers, there's a faint buzz of conversation floating through from the dining hall. It's starting to die down as it gets later. Katniss can't decide if she prefers the silence.

She doesn't find as much comfort thinking about Peeta as she used to. Everyday she becomes more and more confused about what her true feelings are for him. She lets out a shaky breath, wondering if her feelings have changed since he came back. Or since the games ended. Or maybe they were never what she thought they were in the first place. Katniss places the pearl back in her drawer just as Johanna comes into their room.

Johanna has become more talkative after they moved in together. She's started to return more to her old self. Her hair has started growing back in patches, she looks rough. Rough but well.

"What are you staring at?" She asks as she walks over to her bed and lays down on it.

Katniss hadn't realized she had been staring. She gets up without answering and heads to their bathroom to take a shower. She has to resist the urge to look back at Johanna.

When she gets out and has changed into the simple gray outfit they sleep in, Johanna gets off her bed and goes into the bathroom. Katniss hears the door lock, then the running of the sink.

She hasn't figured out why Johanna doesn't take showers and she's not sure she wants to know. Or if Johanna would even tell her. She hears muttered cuss words come from the bathroom and for reasons unknown to herself gets up to knock on the door.

She leans against it and knocks gently, "Johanna?"

There's no response. The sink has stopped running, there's just the sound of clothing shifting.

"It's Katniss." She adds, just in case.

The door swings open, a red faced Johanna stares at her "Who the fuck else would it be?"

Katniss ignores her question, "Do you want some help?"

Johanna grunts but doesn't say no. Katniss carefully takes the damp cloth from her hand.

"Raise your arms." She instructs, setting the cloth down on the counter while she helps Johanna lift her shirt off. She glances at her ribs showing through her skin, but doesn't say anything.

She takes the cloth and starts at the back of her neck, telling Johanna what she's doing as she goes. She doesn't make any sarcastic remarks as Katniss half expected her to, just stares at her reflection in the mirror. Katniss feels notices Johanna's shoulders starting to relax as she goes, a small triumphant smile grows on her lips. She lets it fade away an tries to focus on Johanna in an abstract way. It makes her slightly uncomfortable to be touching her like this, but if she doesn't think too hard she's okay.

"Turn around?" Katniss asks, after finishing with Johanna's back. Johanna turns and their eyes lock for a brief moment before Katniss continues her work, starting at her stomach. She works her way up and doesn't let herself shy away from Johanna's breasts. Johanna lets out a small sigh as Katniss takes the cloth around and in between them. Katniss pretends not to notice and moves on to washing Johanna's collarbone. Then has her lift her arms while she she scrubs her underarms. She makes her way back towards Johanna's neck, her hand freezes just under her cheekbone.

"Do you want me to wash your face?"

Johanna nods and closes her eyes which Katniss is thankful for. She works carefully, scrubbing in small, gentle circles.

"All done." Katniss lets her hand fall awkwardly to her side as Johanna opens her eyes. They stand there, staring for a minute. Katniss can't help but notice how exhausted Johanna looks, nothing like the girl she met in the elevator. But she must look the same, she can't remember the last time she had a good night's sleep.

Johanna moves to take the cloth from Katniss and sets it on the sink. Katniss feels as if she needs to do something, so she gets Johanna's shirt from where it was sitting on the floor. She silently helps her slip it back on.

"Thank you."

Katniss gives her a nod and they walk silently back to their beds.

****  
  


Katniss wakes to a scream, though not an unfamiliar way to wake up she still finds her heart rate increasing and her hand searching for her bow. But there's not one. She repeats her mantra to herself. She's in District 13. She's relatively safe. She's not in the games anymore.

After she's calmed herself down, she flicks on the lamp and glances at Johanna's bed. She's curled in the other direction if Katniss hadn't heard her scream a minute ago she would think she's asleep.

"Johanna?" She asks, slowly getting out of her bed. There's no answer. She carefully walks over, Johanna turns around when Katniss reaches the edge of her bed.

"Can I sit down?"

Johanna nods, Katniss sits and asks her if she knows where she is. Johanna answers, District 13. And Katniss asks her more simple questions until her hands have stopped shaking.

She can tell Johanna has somewhat recovered when she asks her what she ate for lunch and she answers, "I'm not sure but it tasted like shit. You done with the questions now, Caesar?"

Katniss lets out a small laugh at that. And gets up to leave, but Johanna grabs her wrists.

When Katniss turns to look at her, she looks surprised at herself.

"You should..." Johanna trails off but Katniss finds she understands her easily.

"Okay."

Katniss turns the lamp back off and crawls under the covers with Johanna, unsure where to put rest her hands.

"Don't be shy, Twelve." Johanna says as she takes Katniss hand and places it on her bare waist. Katniss has noticed her jokes have been in a flux lately, she doesn't constantly have a sharp comeback anymore.

They lay there in silence for a beat,  and Katniss realizes she can't stop staring at Johanna's lips, just barely lit by the emergency light in their room. Katniss feels a comfort with Johanna that she doesn't get from Peeta or Gale.

Katniss looks up at Johanna's eyes and realizes she's staring too. Johanna's hand on Katniss' wait gives a small squeeze. Katniss leans forward while quickly shutting her eyes and breaching the small distance between them and presses her lips against Johanna's. She pulls away after a second, barely able to remember the feel of Johanna's lips against her's with how brief it had been.

"Sorry," She mutters, wanting to turn away or even better go back to her own bed.

"Don't be sorry." Johanna says with a smirk, then sobers quickly as she says, "But don't feel like you have to."

Katniss shifts at her words, a warm steady feeling filling her chest. Johanna is somehow able to understand her better than Peeta or Gale. She doesn't know exactly what she wants, but she knows she wants to feel Johanna's lips against her's again.

"I want to." She answers.

"Alright." Johanna leans forward again and let's their lips fall against each other. It's softer than the first one and Katniss finds she likes the feel of Johanna's slightly chapped lips. Johanna moves her hand from Katniss' waist to rest against her cheek, moving her thumb in slow soothing motions that Katniss copies against Johanna's waist.

Their lips part and Katniss finds their tongues entwining to be very calming. Her heart stays steady and easy, like she's been doing this for years.

Johanna pulls away, giving one last soft kiss against the side of Katniss' mouth. She lets their foreheads rest together as she moves her hand back to Katniss' waist. Johanna pulls her closer, letting her bare chest be pressed against Katniss' clothed one. Katniss moves down so her head is resting against Johanna's chest.

Neither of them speak as they both drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> firm believer in aro katniss, and i would love to explore her relationship with peeta more bc i am still a lowkey everlark shipper even tho joniss trumps all. forgot how much i love these books and these girls, i haven't read the series in a while but it's probably one of my favorites ever and i would love to write more on it. maybe i will someday lol. also, hopefully i did okay at having her aromantic, i didn't think they'd have like a word for it in their verse bc imho despite the capital being shitty i think in the future gender and sexuality stuff would just be whatever ya know? but lmk if i did something wrong and i shall fix it <3  
> [Visit me on tumblr!](http://pxtrclus.tumblr.com/)


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